Loss, holidays and Regina Specktor.

I just watched "My sister's keeper". Im so moved by this whole concept. one, this thing about death. Im not scared of death, and never really have been. I believe in heaven, and after that re-incarnation, so death is only a pass-way on to some thing better. But loss. I cant say i have much experience on the subject. I have so luckily not lost any one close to me. But even my great grandmother's death scares me. the thing about death is those who are left behind. It becomes so empty. Living in africa, i rarely saw my great grandmother often. so it just feels like i havnt seen her recently. she was quite a big part of my life, when ever we went to London, we stayed with her. so i still forget that she is dead. It just seems like a permanent vacation.
but this makes me think, how unbearable it must be to loose somebody really close to you. This emptiness, not being able to talk to them any longer, and tell them how sad you are seems so unbearable. because they are not there, they are the ones you want to be with the most, so not being able to have them sounds really bad.
I know that they are there with you still. Which is what i want to understand better, that people never really leave you.

tomorrow, wer leaving for holidays, on a more happy note. ill promise to snatch my sisters camera and take pictures for you all :D

and im listening to Regina Specktor so much its weird. and when im not listening to her, her songs are playing in my mind. they are so good its crazy.

... this was a pretty random blog, guess its just what's going on inside my head atm...